Monday, November 9, 2009

Aware

Several weeks ago, I was having a day. And feeling very alone. (Not the good kind where you have a few minutes to yourself to read a book or shower or something equally as lovely.) Because I wasn't actually alone, I had three little people who needed my help and attention. There were a million things to do and places to be. I'm sure it is familiar. Most days I handle it. Not always beautifully, but still, we get through.

Not this day. This day I was ready to wave the white flag. And I may have muttered something about "I can't be a single mom anymore." Which is really, really far from the truth and not something my children need to hear me complaining about.

Background: My husband is currently serving as Branch President of our church unit. And while we have been blessed immeasurably, sometimes I just really miss/need him. His schedule is crazy. Full of visits and meetings. Planned or at the drop of a hat. On Sunday he is gone before the kids and I (or the sun, for that matter) are up and only sometimes makes it home for dinner. He works hard and he is tired but he doesn't complain. I'm so grateful he is willing and worthy to do it.

But this particular day I just needed him. And I was feeling a little bit sorry for myself, inside. And my heart was definitely turning a little hard.

The end of the day found me in the foyer of our church building following a Memorial Service (see, and I'm complaining about a bad day?) surrounded by a few other members of our congregation. Out of the blue, one gentleman put his arm around my shoulder and said, "You're doing a good job. You're doing a good job as the branch president's wife. I know you all sacrifice a lot for him to be able to serve." I sort of got a lump in my throat. He continued about what a good man my husband is and told me to never forget that.

Then another friend spoke up and said, "I pray for you every day. Every day. And I pray for your children by name." And it really touched my heart. And suddenly it didn't feel quite as hard as it had earlier in the day. (But I also thought, lady, that may be the only reason we make it some days!)

And then I talked about Sister Jones, she was standing there too, and how grateful I am for her. She has sat with me nearly every Sacrament meeting for over 4.5 years to help me with the kids. And the lump in my throat started to rise and my eyes were filling up with wet because then I remembered.

I remembered that my Heavenly Father is aware of me. He knows this is not easy for our family. He knows my struggles. And He allows me to have them so that I can stretch and grow. And lean on Him. But also, He blesses me with sweet experiences that remind me that I am not alone.

16 comments:

Melissa said...

My father-in-law told me awhile back that when they (he was serving in the stake presidency at the time) choose bishops, they always look first at the wife and what kind of woman she is. My mother-in-law and mother are currently both bishop's wives and so are some of my good friends (like you) and the funny thing is that each one of you are some of the most incredible people I know. My heroes and role models. It must be so hard at times, even though you wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so glad that you have such wonderful friends around you to lift you and strengthen you. Know that you are loved by MANY!!!

Gallup Family said...

You are amazing, dest! Thanks for reminding us all that Heavenly Father does know each and every one of us :)

andrea said...

I thought the ending was going to be that Ryan was released because Heavenly Father knew you needed him at home. Ha!

Hang in there, girl. I'm SO with you. I was in tears at the end of sacrament mtg yesterday...wishing I had an equivalent of Sis. Jones sitting with me.

MommyJ said...

I love you. That's all.

Carmen said...

What a wonderful tender mercy. I'm sorry you were having such a bad day that day...
But it is wonderful to know that Heavenly Father is aware of us. I am really learning that as Ronnie has been gone these past few weeks. And I know it must be hard for you, with Ryan staying busy constantly. You are a great example and Ryan is a good man! Love ya girl!!

The Arrrrrgalls said...

I love you Dest. You would be amazed how many of us look up to you, and all that you take on. You have an amazing way of making each person feel special. Thank you for your sacrifice, I know you may think it goes unnoticed, but the branch notices. And as you know our Heavenly Father notices too. Thanks for being amazing you!

Beckii said...

i know you wrote that for yourself, but you might not know you wrote it for me too. you've changed my whole week. thank you

Destinee said...

Thank you all for your comments. I hesitated to write this post. And then I hesitated to post it. (It is probably horrible to complain that your husband is serving the Lord.) And second, I know there are a lot of people who are going through much bigger trials. In the end though, I realized that is part of what was so beautiful about this experience. It doesn't matter what "it" is. Heavenly Father is aware and will bless you with what you need. He won't always take it from you but He will go through it with you.
And Andrea, I'd totally be lying if I didn't say that I'd be perfectly okay with that ending!
And I really wish you had a sister Jones, too. Sorry you had such a hard Sacrament meeting.
(I'm so glad you got something from that Beckii!)

janet said...

Um......I better not write what I just thought.....some things are better said over the phone! I am amazed by you every single day!! You are always always always reaching out to others! And I am so proud of the wonderful mother you are!! Ave's was telling me you have a special countdown til Thanksgiving and you pick differant things and she said like one is to give a special prayer of just Thanks and not ask for anything. The lesson I taught earlier this month...Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ talked about we give our kids all kinds of opportunity's...sports and lessons and educational but unless we give them Faith in the Lord we have given little. You and Ryan are giving your kids everything!! I love you!!

InkMom said...

Oh, Dest. My friend, I love you.

Jenny or sometimes Bozo said...

You just continue to amaze me. Bless you for enduring through such a demanding calling with a happy heart. I guess I should stop complaining about Josh in Scouts:)

Carol at WRESA said...

Destinee, I have so "been there done that" and you know what it passes and then you end up missing the blessings but alwys feel glad you endured it well. Hang in there!

Kris said...

Destinee, I needed to read this post this week. Thank you for sharing and for strengthening my testimony. I really needed a boost this morning and this helped tremendously! Keep up the good work with being a wife and mom! You are a good example to so many!

julie said...

Dest you are such an amazing person! I can't even comprehend the load you have carried over the years! And you have done it so willingly! Thank you for being the great example you are to all of us! And Thanks for the sweet reminder! Love ya!

DesignDazzle.blogspot.com said...

What a sweet testimony : ) It's not always easy at times - but it's worth it in the end.
Toni

Kristen said...

I am trying really hard NOT to tear up because I feel the SAME WAY right now. I don't think I would make a good single mom and sometimes I feel like I'm failing, but in the end- we will be stronger!! Right? (we will right??) Love you!!! Good luck to you!